Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
