Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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