So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
