Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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