I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
