i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Text me some of your sweat
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