my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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