What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The power of my boobs compel you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
