he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
