if you like me you must not know who I am
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
