I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
