girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
