hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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