Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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