I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
