It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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