Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
