her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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