Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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