...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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