you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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