Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
