Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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