Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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