This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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