The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
