The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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