I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
pop tarts are not kleenex
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
