Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
