i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize