$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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