She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
