lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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