please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
