he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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