Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
