were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize