I puked a lego.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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