I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
