Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
