So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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