do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
