fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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