But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
