Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
