Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
