Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
