They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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