I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
