He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
