so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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