Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize