Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
