Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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