I'm lost and stupid without you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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