Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize