so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
