i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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