evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
