Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
