you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
