Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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