He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
