First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize