Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
