Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Actions speak louder than pants.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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