the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize