So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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