She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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