Where is the hickey?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
zippers are such a cool invention
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
