I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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