so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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