I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
