I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
