Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
