WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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