You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
