Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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