my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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