I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize