My room smells like vodka and shame
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
