i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
