I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
