my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize