did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
