I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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