whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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