I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
