Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
