well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
