Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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