My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
