maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
not ubering you a puppy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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