Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
