Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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