I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
