I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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