I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
