Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
