I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize