I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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