He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
